Nurses Are Sharing The Most Unhinged Things A Patient Has Ever Said To Them, And Some Of These Have Me CACKLING

“One of my male patients asked me, ’Do you want to lay down with me? It’s warm. I peed a little.’”

Posted 22 hours ago

They're filled with so much pain and suffering, and, for many people, it's in a hospital that they will experience some of, if not the worst, days of their lives.

And if you're a nurse, doctor, or any other type of medical professional and have a story of your own, we want to hear about it!

Let us know the wildest thing a patient has ever said to you in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google form.

Person in an office setting, wearing a tie, looking surprised and amused

A woman with a playful expression winks with a slight smirk, hand under chin. Text below reads: "OOOOOH... BURN!"

Person in patterned headscarf and floral robe with text overlay: "Respect."

Person sitting outdoors, wearing glasses and casual clothes, gestures with open arms. Text reads: "Anything is possible."

A person with a mustache is sitting in a chair, eyes closed, appearing relaxed or thoughtful. They are wearing a suit with a patterned tie

A nasal aspirator with a long tube next to a plastic handle, resting on a carpeted surface

Person in a coat outdoors with a skeptical expression, text reads: "NO, THANK YOU." Hashtag: #GroundhogDay

Person with split pink and yellow hair holding a strand, wearing a casual white shirt, looking to the side with a neutral expression

Me: “No way? Who’s the father?”

Her: “Your husband.”

Person with glasses and hands covering mouth in surprise, with "OMG" text in front. Cloudy sky in the background

Woman with braided hairstyle wearing a sparkly outfit, looking animated, with text "FAIR IS FAIR" below

Woman smiling with excitement, saying, "I don't need backups. I'm going to Harvard," in a scene suggesting confidence and determination

Person gesturing while talking in a patterned blouse, with "The money" text over the image

A man with short gray hair holds a keyboard outside, looking amused. The text reads, "OH WOW."

Child wearing a winter hat, looking relaxed, with text overlay: "AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR." Scene reminiscent of holiday movie moments

And if you are a medical professional and have a story of funny or wild interactions with patients of your own, let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google form.

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Nurses Are Sharing The Most Unhinged Things A Patient Has Ever Said To Them, And Some Of These Have Me CACKLING

Hospitals can be incredibly depressing places.

So, here are 17 of the wildest things a patient has ever said to a nurse while in their care.

1. "My patient told me that she was so grateful I was there because the nurse she had last night was the most horrible woman. I agreed and validated her experience. I was the nurse from last night."

2. "One of my patients once said, 'You’re always here, don’t you got a man or something?'"

3. "I accidentally let out a burp, then said, 'Omg, I’m so sorry, excuse me.' My patient looked at me, farted, and said, 'Got you back.'"

4. "A patient coded. We shocked them, and when they came back to consciousness, they sat straight up and said, 'Sorry I dozed off for a second.'"

5. "A patient said to me, 'I’m not wearing this oxygen; I don’t want to get addicted.' It lives in my head rent-free to this day."

6. "I have a lazy eye, and one time, a patient said, 'Straighten that thing out when you’re talking to me.'"

7. "I had an older patient tell me the PureWick I placed on her made her miss her husband.'"

8. "One of my male patients asked me, 'Do you want to lay down with me? It’s warm. I peed a little.'"

9. "I had split-dye hair while trying to reorient a patient with dementia. She said, 'Why would I listen to you? You forgot to dye the other half of your head.'"

10. An 85-year-old patient: “I’m pregnant.”

11. "A patient once asked me who the ugly man on my badge was. The ugly man was me with my hair pulled back. 😭😭😭"

12. "A patient told me, 'Your mother must be so embarrassed to have a daughter like you.' I told her my mother had passed away. Her response was, 'I bet she died of embarrassment.'"

13. "I told my patient I was a part-time magician. He said, 'Oh yeah? Try disappearing.'"

14. "One of my patients always paraded that she went to Harvard and how she was better than everyone else at the hospital. One day, she was screaming for help, and the patient next door said, 'Call Harvard.'"

15. "My patient's wife asked me to cut off her dead husband's finger so she could use it to log into his computer and get access to his offshore bank accounts."

16. "I said, 'See you tomorrow,' to my favorite patient. She looked at me and said, 'No, you won’t. I’ve got a date with my husband,' and pointed to the sky. She passed away that night. She had been scheduled for discharge the next day."

17. And finally, "'Merry Christmas. I just sh*t myself.'"

There you have it: 17 truly wild things patients have said to their nurses while under their care. And while we're here, a major thank you to all of our medical professionals who work under the most chaotic of conditions, in every possible way.

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